Assignment One: Strength, Weaknesses, Comments
The overall purpose of this paper was to convey the chosen figured world to my readers by using Bartlett and Holland’s concept of figured world, artifact, and actors. By using my observations in the paper, readers should explore how I separated each group of actors in the figured world and understand why I chose each artifact that defined those actors. Each actor contributes to their own discourse community by having common interest, expertise, and special communication among other people in that figured world. The actors and artifacts are the substances that forms, molds, and helps create each paragraph in my paper. Furthermore, the only thing I think is most flawed about my paper is the way it is structured. I am unsure if I applied my observation notes the right way into the paper because personally I thought it was kind of messy. I want my readers to see if I added enough information about my actors at the end of every bulleted observation. Also see if my introduction was too lengthy and wordy.
To start off, I would like to point out what I think are the weak points or flaws of my paper. The first part of my essay is the introduction, which is the poison where all the points in my grade begin to die off. The reason why is because my introductions have always sounded weak and does introduce enough purpose of the paper. Also I always seem to strays off from the main topic that my paper is supposes to convey. Other area in my paper that is weak is the elaboration on taking examples in my paper and go from the general to the specific. For example when I brought up the girl group, I think I could have described emotion and interactions better. When I bring up examples I feel I don’t add enough detail into it and always think I leave readers with more questions than answers.
On the other hand, the strong points that I found in my paper came in the first few paragraphs and the conclusion. I thought I did well in portraying the rules and conventions to my reader fairly well. For example when I described the ways of ordering and how people should react in a fast food joint. I gave description, detail, and some examples of my actors that deal with those rules such as the employees and caretakers. I also thought that I did good describing the different types of discourse communities in the figured world and also the interactions that was going on in the figured world. The last part that I succeeded on was the conclusion because I summed up the purpose and restated all the main points of the articled.
Lastly, I thought the comments from my peers were helpful, but I wish there was more comments to go on. The positive comments help inspired me to add more parts to my essay. I didn’t think the “grammar issue” comment was good because I didn’t know where my grammars were lying in the paper. Some good comments that help me were showing me the places where my descriptions didn’t make sense and how I didn’t add any facts about discourse communities.
To start off, I would like to point out what I think are the weak points or flaws of my paper. The first part of my essay is the introduction, which is the poison where all the points in my grade begin to die off. The reason why is because my introductions have always sounded weak and does introduce enough purpose of the paper. Also I always seem to strays off from the main topic that my paper is supposes to convey. Other area in my paper that is weak is the elaboration on taking examples in my paper and go from the general to the specific. For example when I brought up the girl group, I think I could have described emotion and interactions better. When I bring up examples I feel I don’t add enough detail into it and always think I leave readers with more questions than answers.
On the other hand, the strong points that I found in my paper came in the first few paragraphs and the conclusion. I thought I did well in portraying the rules and conventions to my reader fairly well. For example when I described the ways of ordering and how people should react in a fast food joint. I gave description, detail, and some examples of my actors that deal with those rules such as the employees and caretakers. I also thought that I did good describing the different types of discourse communities in the figured world and also the interactions that was going on in the figured world. The last part that I succeeded on was the conclusion because I summed up the purpose and restated all the main points of the articled.
Lastly, I thought the comments from my peers were helpful, but I wish there was more comments to go on. The positive comments help inspired me to add more parts to my essay. I didn’t think the “grammar issue” comment was good because I didn’t know where my grammars were lying in the paper. Some good comments that help me were showing me the places where my descriptions didn’t make sense and how I didn’t add any facts about discourse communities.