Assignment Two: Strength, Weaknesses, Comments
The overall purpose of this paper is to convey the new chosen figured world to my readers and take the definitions I have learn so far to another step. Other than using Bartlett and Holland’s definitions of figured world, artifacts, and actors, I will also include specialized language and formal/informal language in my essay. With my essay, there will be a narrative about another side of the nail salon and a storyboard to show this narrative. Hopefully my readers can understand the different actors I have put in this figured world and the artifacts that they use. I think some of the uncertainty that I had in this paper was if I define specialize language right. For example when I describe all the tools the manicurist used, I don’t know if they count as specialize language.
In my essay, I would like to start off talking about my weakness that I saw in my paper. Instead of listing out my notes like my first assignment, I decided to write my notes in an essay format. I feel like my translation from listing to paragraph form seems weak because I do not include enough detail and specifics. For example when I talk about the “crazy coyotes” I wondered if I added enough mood, interactions, and general movements these actors were doing. Another weakness that I see is probably the introduction. I don’t know if my introduction goes along with my essay because I wanted to introduce how the nail salon is a place for women to find beauty. Furthermore, I don’t think I added enough formal/informal language because I seem to only have mentioned it in my essay for a brief moment. I would like some help to define some informal/formal language in the figured world.
Besides, weakness I think this paper has some strengths that provide enough insight towards my readers. The parts where I describe the people that I interview seem strong because I added more than just information about the person. For example, when I interviewed Trinh Pham, I told a story how the nail salon is not picking up any business in the mornings due to road construction. I think I did good summing up my essay in the conclusion and hard strong transitions going from paragraph to paragraph. Hopefully my paper flowed pretty well. I don’t know if I added enough pictures, but I think I had a strong narrative telling how there are many different characters that come and goes in the Nail Salon.
Some of the comments that I was given were pretty useful. I think some comments were confusing because they were misspellings in the comment. Also I think I mention some of the points that the comments were asking. The positive comments made me feel I was going the right direction with my essay and push me to add more detail to them. I think some comments were not useful because it said that I needed more detail, but didn’t tell me where I needed to put it.
In my essay, I would like to start off talking about my weakness that I saw in my paper. Instead of listing out my notes like my first assignment, I decided to write my notes in an essay format. I feel like my translation from listing to paragraph form seems weak because I do not include enough detail and specifics. For example when I talk about the “crazy coyotes” I wondered if I added enough mood, interactions, and general movements these actors were doing. Another weakness that I see is probably the introduction. I don’t know if my introduction goes along with my essay because I wanted to introduce how the nail salon is a place for women to find beauty. Furthermore, I don’t think I added enough formal/informal language because I seem to only have mentioned it in my essay for a brief moment. I would like some help to define some informal/formal language in the figured world.
Besides, weakness I think this paper has some strengths that provide enough insight towards my readers. The parts where I describe the people that I interview seem strong because I added more than just information about the person. For example, when I interviewed Trinh Pham, I told a story how the nail salon is not picking up any business in the mornings due to road construction. I think I did good summing up my essay in the conclusion and hard strong transitions going from paragraph to paragraph. Hopefully my paper flowed pretty well. I don’t know if I added enough pictures, but I think I had a strong narrative telling how there are many different characters that come and goes in the Nail Salon.
Some of the comments that I was given were pretty useful. I think some comments were confusing because they were misspellings in the comment. Also I think I mention some of the points that the comments were asking. The positive comments made me feel I was going the right direction with my essay and push me to add more detail to them. I think some comments were not useful because it said that I needed more detail, but didn’t tell me where I needed to put it.